12 ‘Improve Marriage’ Tips – Go from Good to Great
Saving Marriage is Worth It
Divorce is a heart wrenching, life-altering event that will completely change you forever. If you’re searching for advice on how to save a marriage, I commend you.
Saving something that you’ve built together with your mate is a noble cause, and everyone in a relationship needs help from time to time. Even if your marriage is good, you can improve marriage by following these 12 simple steps.
These 12 Essential Tips will help you improve marriage today.
1. Get Educated – Don’t just guess your way through this. Learn from people who have studied this extensively and save yourself a lot of trouble. There are many excellent products available on how to save a marriage, and we even review the best of the best for you here.
2. Breathe. Don’t Panic. – The first thing many people do when facing divorce is go into a mental tailspin. They lose control and perspective and can go on a rampage that only hurts the situation. If this is you, STOP. Take several deep breaths right now and get hold of yourself. Realize the it’s perfectly acceptable to be upset, but that you are an adult and you owe it to yourself to make rational decisions.
3. Do Some Writing – Getting all of your negative thoughts and emotions out on paper actually gets them out of your heart and head. It’s like having a phychologist available to listen to all of your problems, 24×7x365, without the outrageous bill! A neat trick is to set up a special email account for all these negative letters you write. You will feel relieved when you hit the “send” button and send your troubles away. No one ever has to read these emails, so give yourself permission to be completely honest about everything. Just make sure that you double check the email address before hitting send!
4. Trade Shoes – It’s natural that we’re always looking out for number 1, it’s hardwired in to us and it’s a survival mechanism. However, take just 60 seconds out of your day to go to a quite place and think about what your partner is feeling. Really try to understand their outlook on the scenario. We rarely, if even, do this sort of thing naturally, and this exercise will give you a new found respect for your mate. This sort of understanding will lessen conflict and is one of the most important steps in how to save a marriage.
5. Right or Happy? – Arguing can creep into any marriage over time, and many times it seems as if the arguments are over very petty things. We all have a natural tendency to want to be right and prove our point, but this can be very disruptive to a marriage. Ask yourself “What will I improve by being right and making my point? Do I want to be right or happy?” Chances are, you could very easily let most of these issues go and simply choose to focus on other, more positive, aspects of your relationship. You are very lucky, whether you feel that way or not right now!
6. Make Compromises – You knew that marriage was going to be a compromise when you signed up for it, so how are you doing on your end of the bargain? Even if your partner really does shoulder most of the blame, make sure that you are not making a fragile situation worse. Understand that you can’t win all the time and chose your battles carefully.
7. Take a Look at Your Finances – Lack of money is the single biggest cause of divorce. Yep, it’s number one. So, chances are pretty good that your financial situation is playing a major role in your relationship stress. Taking a good hard look at your spending is not easy to do, but it can literally be one of the best things you could ever do for yourself and your marriage. I recommend reading Dave Ramsey and following his advice.
8. Learn to Communicate – “But I know how to communicate!” Sure, you know how to speak and listen to others, but how good are you at really making the other person understand what you’re feeling? Are you communicating honestly with yourself? By purposefully working on this area of your life, you will sharpen a skill that will serve you and your partner forever.
9. Less is More – Much of the stress in your life is caused by all of the obligations you have. Grab a piece of paper and write down a few things that drain your time and energy. See if you can minimize them or eliminate them altogether, and let the feeling of freedom enter your life. You do not have to be busy all the time to be a good husband/wife/father/mother.
10. Response-Ability – You have the ability to respond to a situation in any way you choose. Normally we react to situations automatically, but few of us excercise our right to choose our reactions. At first this is difficult, but gets better with practice. Try to interupt your automatic patterns when you feel them taking over. Do something silly, leave the room, or do something totally unexpected. Once your pattern is broken, you can replace it with a healthier action.
11. Control What You Can – There are so many things you cannot control! Make peace with this right now, it’s a fact and it will never change. Focus all of your energy and attention on the few things you can control, and vow to do your best in those areas. Shut out things you cannot change, and you will become happier as you see progress on the things in your life you CAN control.
12. Seek Professional Assistance – A professional marriage counselor can be a non-biased third party, and provide you with some much needed perspective.
If you’re truly searching for advice on how to save a marriage (and my guess is that if you read this far, you are), then there’s hope! While this process can be very draining to your emotions and body, you are taking action right now already and you CAN get through this.